Just a Few Reasons I HATE X-Mas; or Passage to Spain on a Buoy Would be a Pain In the Ass

There are many perspectives from which to view any event. For instance, at Mardi Gras you can be on a float throwing out beads, you can be one of the happy people in the crowd catching them, or you can be one of the crazy assholes tripping so hard he doesn't notice he's cutting up lines on top of someone's Dodge Stratus. My point is, the same event can be seen in many different ways. 

For me, the past two years, Christmas has been seen through the lens of a mall employee. This has given me certain views about the holiday that, when seen through my eyes, make perfect sense. It has also made some previous statements and judgements all the more relevant in light of current events. So let's begin with my broad, sweeping generalizations about the holiday season:

1) IT FUCKING SUCKS!%$*(!%&*^!)$$! When we were young, I'd imagine most of us were taught the "true meaning of X-Mas" by someone. Very rarely did that meaning include blatant commercialism, verbal abuse, stress, fatigue, panic, physical violence, malice, and general ill will (whether intended or inflicted). This, my friends, is the true meaning of today's Christmas. Hate to burst your bubble if you didn't already know. Which leads me to...

2) DON'T PANIC. Douglas Adams was right. Don't get swept up in all this holly jolly bullshit. Christmas is just like any other time of the year. At least it should be. I don't think that socially mandated times of revelry should have any relevance in my life, because I'm pretty much happy and down for parties and fun every single day. I don't wait for one day out of 365 of them bad boys just to tell everyone I love them and want to see them more often. Fuck all that noise! Make everyday Christmas by being close to the people you want to be close to, and the mythical mountaintop that is Dec. 25th will lose all its meaning (Unless, of course, you're a Christian, in which case you should be focusing on the religious aspect of the holiday anyway, and not buying into the commercial dung heap that our culture has made of your holiday. But that's another post.)

So on that note, I will continue to wash clothes, and prepare for the real holiday that is swiftly approaching...New Year's! Way more fun than XXX-Mas, with 73% more ass shaking and funny party hats!!!! Good luck with your families, and if you're feeling down in the dumps you can come back and listen to these wise words by Mr. Eric Idle...