I'm gonna quote one of my favorite songs here, and mess with it a little bit: I refuse to be your fall back crutch anymore. We could live beside the ocean, but you'd just start doing coke again, and I'd have to leave your ass, cause I don't need a junkie for a girlfriend. Sound familiar? I can't believe that lying mess that's been paraded in front of me as honesty for the past however long. How do you sleep, knowing that the one person who cares about you most of all is the one person that you're stabbing in the fucking chest every day when you tell him you're doing better? God damnit, I can't believe I fell for this shit again!!!!!!
But the silver lining is that I'll be moving soon, to a city that doesn't know me, where I can meet new people who don't have attitude/drug problems, and hopefully find a decent girl who deserves to know who I really am. Until then I'm gonna have to lay really low, for the same reasons that I didn't say this to your face: 1) you're always too wasted to listen to me or give a fuck to what I have to say, 2) I'm still in love with you, and every time I see you something stupid in my head tells me to forgive you and that you might change. That's not going to happen, so I just can't be around you.
That's what's on my mind. I'd really appreciate it if someone who reads this wanted to give me some words of encouragement, or some words period. Anything would help right now. In the meantime I'm going to listen to Rachel's and hope that I fade to black soon and don't dream about this shit.
Sorry.
2 comments:
um. did this just now happen? or have you been thinking it for a long time?
Dude, I'd go nuts personally if I had to deal with that esp if it was someone i loved just kinda stepping on my heart every time they put that shit up their nose. Sadly you can't really make them stop, they have to want to stop and actually make an effort. You have a big heart and a sound mind. It's all one hell of a roller coaster. You'll be ok, life will get better.
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